Bad Medicine

Ughhh!!! Somehow I wound up with a woman. While traversing through the local jungle. The bad thing was she got stuck in my head. I couldn’t shake her image. Several trips to the local witch doctor; I even tried big medicine from the mainland.

Then I had a bad headache and the woman in my head. Several friends told me what to do. The only way to remove her was to have her with me. So off we whisked into the night. Upon extracting her from her tribe I found they were right and wrong. She is out of my head but in it at the same time.

I didn’t realize that women could talk so much. But she is soft, smells good,and cuddly I guess. Oh well, now I have no home, no job, and meandering around some lake of steam.

I wonder if I should have just stuck with the big medicine instead? Ughhh!!!

Character sheet: Charzth [Human Barbarian mate of Nosila]

Cause of death: Newly recruited into Pommeville’s town guard.

After we entered the town my wife and I walked to what looked like an inn. After brief consultation, we decided to eat and stay the night. Nosila and I sat in a corner booth. The food was good. The potatoes were fried. After a second helping of potatoes and a large mug of ale, I grew rather bored. My wife had begun a strange rambling about little ones. Definitely scared of the conversation, I decided to change the subject.

Eyeing a short little gnome female walking across the bar area, I decided to play a prank. I took one of my potato wedges and shot it across the room with the flat of my Kukri. Ubtao was feeling the mischief in me as my potato bounced squarely off of her forehead. I nearly bit my tongue off holding back the laughter.

Since no response was offered, I let fly another potato with the same results. This time the gnome actually started moving her hands and giggling. Right then, a six plus foot potato man was standing beside me and Nosila. Not to let the oppurtunity slip by, Nosila quickly sliced a large piece of him off and started to eat him.

Excited by this new form of dinner, I quickly threw a handful of salt on him and started to cut off one of his legs. It wiggled and fought back, but we subdued our new dinner treat. Just as we were to dig in, the potato man disappeared. Bringing a large round of laughter in the bar area. Then there were screams for help emanating from our newly filled bellies. While strange, this was hardly reason to be concerned. It wasn’t as if it was one of the war rituals and another tribesman’s spirit was loose in our bellies.

Sensing the gnome had something to do with our meal’s disappearance, we argued with her a while to bring him back. Though no avail. Growing tired of the games, we decided to try out this thing called a bed. After the arrival to our room we quickly undressed and dove headlong into these wonderfully soft things the servant had called sheets.

Having been a long day, I was weary beyond belief. Plus there was all of that rambling about little ones fresh in my mind . I remember how old my brother had gotten after the appearance of his first little one. Heck, then he just mumbled to himself and sulked a lot by the time the third one had arrived in his life.

I rolled over quickly and pretended I was asleep. This marriage thing was absolutely risky. She does smell awful good, though. So I rolled over and hugged Nosila as I truly fell asleep.

I awoke to a nude Nosila screaming and fighting a zombie who was trying to force himself through the doorway. Leaping out of the bed, bare to the world, I grabbed the zombie and forced him across the hallway and into the far wall. There were definitely cracking noises as the zombie’s body bounced back off the wall very hard.

Screams were everywhere. People in their nightclothes, fighting with the undead monsters that seemed to be everywhere. We made a good fighting team, Nosila and I. Quickly we handled the undead in our area and were helping out the other guests in the inn. All seemed to be rather amazed at our fighting skill. It was amazing how they stopped and stared as we fought with every foe.

Feeling a burst of uncontrol come over me, I chased an angry dwarf with an axe downstairs and out into the street. He was, of course, chasing more undead. By the time I was outside, I was absolutely berserk.

Grabbing a zombie by the throat I slammed him to the ground. Screaming in a rage-filled voice that even seemed to make the undead shudder and slow in their advance. I grabbed the zombie’s body I had just crushed on the ground and started bashing others to pieces with it.

A large group of town’s guards passed by, yelling that everyone was holing up in the temple till morning. We should follow, someone shouted. Fully beserked, I couldn’t have left if I tried. Blood boiled in my eyes and I yelled I would hold the lane so the others could escape.

The dwarf joined me with a look of glee in his eyes. My wife moaned and begged me to run. I just held my ground, and asked her to go get our gear. She slipped away rapidly to oblige me. I crushed a rather large zombie’s skull and noted that that one was for my wife.

As Nosila returned, the battle was turning grim. The dwarf and I were growing haggard and were extremely outnumbered. The extremely short person who had been helping us from behind with his arrows was trying his best, but his arrows weren’t doing enough damage to turn the tide.

She handed my Kukri and begged me to leave as she saw the blood running from my many wounds. I turned to tell her no, and saw a terrific gouge in her side running blood openly. With a quick thrust with my kukri I wheeled and pushed her away from the fray. I then swung one more time and ran for my gear.

After grabbing my gear, I seemed totally drained. It was hard to run. So I kept just ahead of the undead chasing us, and slowly donned my gear. Nosila did the same. Amazingly, after our gear was on, it seemed not as many people noticed us.

Dawn had arrived by the time we had retreated to the temple. The little archer guy had pelted them the whole way with arrows. The dwarf had attacked them when he could. I had reached into my pouch and hit them with several oil containers.

As we arrived at the temple, I hollered for them to hit the zombies with fire. When someone shot one of them with a burning arrow, the bunch of them lit up like a bonfire. After entering the temple, a couple of adepts healed our wounds. There was a quick and curt round of introductions, and then we took up a defensive position around the temple entrance.

As the dawn became the full light of day, the undead started to retreat. Shambling along as they went, I decided it was time for Nosila and I to have a little fun. Racing after the stragglers, we dropped several undead along the way, to what seemed to be a meeting point for them at the cemetery.

Here, a large circle had formed and a wild-eyed undead priest was screaming at some villagers that the undead had captured. He quickly grabbed one by the head. The villager screamed, and then died. By the time he had reached the second villager, all of the town guard had arrived as well as the other guests who me had met in the inn and temple.

Hearing the second one’s death scream sent us into action. Pulling up my Kukri, I charged into the throng of undead.

My eyes glazed wildly as the first one fell. Then I saw my wife run around the battle and attack the crazed cleric by herself. I thrust at a zombie and quickly charged after her. The dwarf was yelling as he ran directly into the zombies towards the evil cleric.

I cut a zombie nearly in half as he crumpled to the ground. My wife was standing over the lifeless body of the cleric.

Dropping to my knees in exhaustion, I watched in disbelief as a large green light shot out of the cleric’s mouth and flew off to the north. Laying my head to the ground, I heard many voices muttering that we should follow that light and destroy it before it came back to the village.

A soft hand reached down and helped me up. I gave Nosila a large bear hug after I stood, and reconfirmed she did smell very good. Taking her hand, I eyed up the gnome in the distance and hollered, “Hungry for some potatoes?”

Gathering ourselves, I stood holding Nosila’s hand. Seems I got a good warrior for a wife. Seems that the Ubtao was looking out for me once again. Giving No’s hand a squeeze I led her from the body-strewn cemetery back into town.

Hungry as we were, we had a healthy breakfast of potatoes and a little meat. A few ales swished down nicely to boot. During our meal we discussed the past day’s events. Seems that we chose a bad area to honeymoon in.

Meal done, we wandered out into the town for a long walk. Many people stopped to stare as we passed. I guess our fighting skill was more amazing than I had first admitted. I said as much to No’. She kind of blushed and whispered in my ear that she believed it had more to do with our lack of clothes than our actual fighting skill.

With a quick pat on the backside I let her know that I could see her point. Growing weary with all of the stares and the sad people wandering about, we decided to return to the Inn. It was growing a little dark as we reached it.

A quick meal and then we raced off to our room. Feeling romantic, we turned the lights out - after we stowed our gear in an easily accessible spot. Eventually, sleep took us later in the night.

What seemed to be mere moments after we had passed out, alarm horns sounded throughout the town. Jumping out of bed and gathering our gear, we quickly placed our armour on. Kukris in hand, we raced out to the street. As suspected, there was a commotion coming from the cemetery again.

Gathering with the others who had defended the village before, we raced to the cemetery. Sure enough, it was zombie killin’ time again. No’ raced in beside me. Kukris in double time, we waded in. I heard the Dwarf hollering as his axe went to and fro.

We seemed to be pushing the undead back as the town guard came up in the rear to our aid. I recognized the guard captain from the Inn the other night. Just when we thought we were getting somewhere, another wave came.

A strange green light shone in the middle of the battle as we fought. Seemed the sun god was in our favour as it blessed us. But the blessing was short….

No’ dropped to the ground; several guardsmen rushed to aid. My mind went red. The bowels of hell let loose in my mind. Taking several attacks as I charged forward, I ran to my wife’s side. Blood running down my side or not, I threw No’ over my shoulder and ran her down the street to safety.

Finding a safe place to put her I ran back to the battle. The tide was beyond turned. The Dwarf and a dark skinned fighter were fighting yet. Two guards and the captain yet stood. The gnome and the halfling were in full retreat. I called for them to pull my wife to the temple if they could.

I then charged into the battle. Arguing with the dwarf and the pipe-smoking fighter to retreat and that I would catch up later. That, of course, wound up with much more zombie fighting as we tried to position ourselves to be the last to retreat. Giving up on the hard-headed dwarf, I followed the pipe-smoking fighter back towards the temple. Getting in my zombie slashes along the way.

Feeling my power and energy ebb from my body, I turned to run. I could barely keep standing. My rage had done me in. Only thinking of No’ helped me make it back to the temple. As the others entered, I heard the gates lock behind them. I gathered No’ in my arms and thought of nothing else as I rocked her through the night. The sun would rise, I told myself, and someone would pay dearly!

Seems I am a bad husband. The more we try to do things together, the worse I seem to help No’. From morning to night I seem to leave her in danger, no matter where we go. These undead beings really seem to take to her for some reason.

Through the day I tried being astute. But alas, it is just not meant to be it seems. I am glad I’m strong and No’ is light. Plus, I am happy for the gold hidden in my pouch. If not, the long treks to the shrine may have been in vain. Seems I know the adepts by their first names and their nicknames now. Their eyes brighten as I stumble in, my wife in my arms.

Tomorrow should be a better day. No’ does smell awful good, and I would be very displeased if she didn’t warm my “sheets” any more. Though we are going back to the cellar again today. I wonder how poorly I will do this time.

Why is this so hard? Killing zombies is easy. Heck, almost fun now. Ancestors forgive me!!!! What am I doing wrong?